Actually, we won’t. One of the classic M*A*S*H episodes. Henry finally gets his discharge. While he is tying things up, Burns prepares for his new command. Henry bids a tearful…

Colonel Flagg blows into camp trying to obtain penicillin to barter for information. But Flagg comes down with appendicitis, and the only penicillin he gets is in the keister.

Frank buys two sets of Pearl’s, one for Margaret and one for his wife. After some talk, Radar gets Hawkeye $3,000 in lost earnings, Hawkeye gives it to Mulcahy for…

Hawkeye and Trapper prevent a GI from marrying a call girl who has TB, whilst trying to help a Korean soldier join his pregnant wife. Radar, of course, provides his…

Hawkeye, Houlihan, and Klinger go to an aid station at the front. Working closely together under heavy fire and unsanitary medical conditions, the three return to camp with new found…

Hawkeye hits Major Burns and Houlihan is a witness. Despite Hawkeye and Trapper’s claims that it wasn’t intentional, Frank makes allegations against Hawkeye, and he is put in house arrest…

Camp activities include Henry’s nervous delivery of a sex lecture, with Hawkeye’s and Trapper’s heckling, a Shirley Temple movie, and a cookout.

The camp is under fire and is swamped with wounded. They are being attacked by their own artillery in a frightening “friendly fire” incident. Trapper and Margaret get trapped in…

Sick and tired of having liver and fish for an 11-day stretch, Hawkeye, driven near to insanity, starts a riot in the mess tent. He and Trapper then orders spare…

The nurses are evacuated when the threat of an enemy parachute drop arises. Hawkeye and Trapper try to enliven everyone’s spirits whilst they are gone. Hawkeye: “The plot thins. Watch…

Henry’s departure to Tokyo leaves Major Burns in charge of the 4077th. He declares total prohibition of alcohol, which leads to a near riot amongst the camp, especially from Hawkeye…

Mail from home worries Henry that Lorraine may be seeing other men. Father Mulcahy presides over a Jewish circumcision ceremony for the Korean-born son of a US GI.

When spring arrives, Klinger gets word from home that his sweetheart back in Toledo wants to marry him. Henry arranges for Father Mulcahy to do this over short wave radio….

The OR is filled with more wounded than the unit can handle. Hawkeye does heart massage on a soldier, which saves his life, but he dies four hours later. Sidney…

General ‘Iron Guts’ Kelly arrives for an inspection, and ends up dying in Margaret’s tent. Hawkeye and Trapper help the General’s aide smuggle him out of camp. The next day…

While Henry is away in Seoul, Burns and Houlihan are in charge, and Hawkeye is the officer of the day. His refusal to release a wounded Korean soldier, wanted by…

As Hawkeye and Trapper are planning to leave for Tokyo, an unusual offer to swap POW patients between the Chinese and the 4077th comes in. Henry, after much debate, agrees…

The MASH 4077 is visted by General Steele. He wishes to move the camp 5 miles down the road. Hawkeye and Henry are charged with mutiny. And Hawkeye is also…

Clete Roberts introduces this segment as his show; he’s arrived at Korea to interview the staff of the 4077th Mobile Army Surgical Hospital because of its high 97% efficiency rating….

Hawkeye is reunited with a woman he thought was out of his life forever, but who never altogether leaves.

Frank has Hawkeye up on charges of mutiny, for usurping his authority when Potter was away on leave, and Frank was the C.O. The Judge Advocate, Colonel Carmichael, tries the…

Frank tries to distinguish himself by selling the camp garbage, but it’s Hawkeye who finds a use for it: he dumps it on a troublesome Colonel Coner.

Potter decides Frank would be less of a pain if the others were friendlier to him; they oblige, with some startling results.

Radar writes home to his mother, as Hawkeye conducts the camp foot inspection, and Colonel Potter gets some shrapnel in his backside.

Radar gets the help of Hawkeye and B.J. to procure something Colonel Potter says he’s fond of, but that’s hard to come by – tomato juice.

Mail brings a letter to Frank saying his wife is divorcing him, and one to Potter telling him he’s going to be a grandfather.

A wounded colonel’s gun, a showpiece, disappears, and Hawkeye and B.J. play a hunch and bluff Frank, who has it, into returning it.

Frank has a fever and makes a will, leaving all his money to his wife and all his clothes to Hot Lips.

Intelligence officer Colonel Flagg, and psychiatrist Sidney Freedman, grapples over the fate of a wounded officer, Captain Chandler, who claims to be Jesus Christ. Perhaps the most poignant scene is…

It’s Potter’s anniversary. While Potter writes home, Frank and Hot Lips have a wood carving made for him, and Radar rescues a horse and makes him a present of it.

Its quid pro quo at the 4077th: two bottles of Scotch for secret surgery, and a tank to scare off snipers for an unauthorized shot of penicillin.

Frank settles in as commanding officer, only to have a new one appointed over his head, one that, to his chagrin, fits in very well.

Trapper is shipped home while Hawkeye is on R&R. Hawkeye speeds to Kimpo with Radar to catch Trapper’s plane, but they just miss him. While they are there, they pick…

Captain Kaplan is to be shipped home, but becomes paranoid that something will happen to him before he leaves. He takes the wheel of the jeep to drive to Kimpo…

General Clayton calls so say that a ceasefire is to be declared. The camp celebrates, Klinger gives away his dresses and locals start to take pieces of the camp. But…

The camp tunes into the Army/Navy football game, only to be shelled and have an unexploded bomb land in the middle of the compound. They ring around trying to identify…

The camp suffers from the severe cold, except for Hawkeye who has received some long john’s from his father. They get passed around from person to person, as a gift,…

Once again, Hawkeye writes home to his father, telling him of the latest gossip: the camp gets a new surgeon, who turns out to be a fake; Hawkeye bets he…

Frank throws his back out whilst spending the evening with Margaret, and ends up in traction. He promptly applies for the Purple Heart, having been ‘technically’ wounded at a frontline…

Hawkeye creates a fake doctor, Captain Jonathan S. Tuttle, to give supplies to the local orphans. Henry wants Tuttle to be officer of the day, so Hawkeye creates a fake…